Feb 25
Well, I had a really good start to the day! IM ACTUALLY WEARING REAL PANTS!!!! This is kinda wild, because I haven’t worn blue jeans this entire time since the accident! I used to wear these things all the time, or something similar, that kinda helped define me! I had these silly pairs of Dickie’s work pants that I really liked to wear, and I don’t know why, but I haven’t found them this entire time!
It was really great, to have that new pants feeling on again. It’s been so long. It was also really interesting to feel and hear the sound of a zipper zipping up! I almost cried! Just, the sound of a simple pants zipper, I guess is all it takes for me to get worked up. It was such a simple act, yet it implied so much.
Feb 26
So, I had a good long restful night! I did have a really pesky tight left hip flexor though. I am starting to feel some balance between both the left and the right sides though! It is really hard and keeps me up for a bit. But I slow down, focus on my breath, and I do eventually get myself to sleep.
The sensations thru my shins, ankles, feet, and toes are phenomenal today. Everyone down there is really working hard to show up and heal! I’m not gonna let this spinal cord trauma get me down! no way no how!
I really got quite a large feeling going through my spinal cord to get to the bathroom though. Which, honestly, is a good thing! Now I just need to work on the difference between a bowel movement, and a toot! lol 😂 seems silly, but there are different sensations with both!
I was thinking about some other stuff this morning too, and I’m struggling to pull ’em out of the noggin at this time! Oh yeah! So the flash cards you want to make? Maybe those already exist? Instead of making them, you can purchase them if they aren’t expensive?
Gotta get up and stand, working on the counter stands! As well as getting on the floor and rolling out your fascia on your belly!
Thinking about that, my lower back/ mid back is really tight! I can definitely feel that one. It’s almost like the feeling of my sensations goes from -> Pain -> Extreme Tightness -> Sore Muscle -> something with maybe spasms? And then maybe voluntary movement? We will work on this idea, there might be something to it. It’s always hard to say.
Tomorrow I go see the PM&R doctor, who saw me in the rehab hospital, so let’s be sure we get our notes together to ask her good questions!
Wow, it’s crazy how my chest is still tight! It still limits the amount I can raise and lower my chest in the morning by sometimes preventing me to sneeze, yawn, or something. Probably is a good thing that it’s healing so well! You can barely even tell I had 14 broken ribs!!
Are muscle relaxants good? What do I want the most out of them? Will I still be able to work on the muscles? Do I only take them a certain time of day? I’ve been doing “okay” without them but it would be better to advance my quads and glutes more with them?
Wow, all these accessory muscles in my legs I really am feeling them trying to recruit! I feel like last night my legs definitely kicked in and saved my butt from falling off the toilet!
Wow….. like wow…. I WAS IN SO MUCH PAIN. The feeling of having to go number two? Paired with a giant urge to go number 1? Okay extend out that feeling for 2 more hours…. And you also aren’t able to “let it all go” so it only builds up more and more…
It’s wild, cuz I do feel so much better now after I did go. But it took a bit. Not as long as it usually is though!
Okay, sweet. That was good. I got on my tum on the floor! And this ended up being a super productive time! I did my “I’s” “Y’s” and “T’s” which really helped stretch me out! My abdomen is really loose, it feels like the tightness is in my right lung, and then my hips both feel even! Which is cool! My legs are so relaxed now! Which ends up being really great I think for therapy! Shoot, I wish I was able to get to this conclusion sooner! Get up sooner, lay on tum. Okay. Got it.
Lay on tum – ✅
That went really well! I got it! I got up from the ground and into my chair! I need to incorporate that into my morning routine, get down on my tum, stretch out, and then get on up! I’ll have to practice managing my legs, and holding the chair into place.
Feb 27
Well, another day here trying to get my legs back working! This has been a heck of a time today. There was so much today to do. I had an appointment with the PM&R, plus two hours of therapy today too.
Getting up into the chair has been a heck of a lot work!
The appointment with the PM&R went really well, actually. I didn’t have any issues getting myself up and at it, and we actually had a really productive conversation. I had quite a few notes, and asked her about my bowels, bladder, muscle relaxants, botox, and the spinal stimulator. I really had all my thoughts put together really well!
What was cool to find out as well, is that the PM&R did agree with me on the use of muscle relaxants, and how to potentially err on the side of caution with them. It’s not that the muscle spasms are causing such a huge decrease in the quality of my life that they absolutely need to go by any means necessary, but it would really help my progression on my hips, glutes, and quads if they were a bit looser. So, what we discussed was getting the order in for the Botox, change up my stretching routine by getting into a long sit and prone 2x a day, and seeing how things progress before that goes in!
It was an awfully long day, to get to all these places, and make it to the gym! I might need to slow it down a bit and give myself a bit of rest! But for now, I am going to have to make steady, conscious efforts to continue getting myself into uncomfortable situations!
Feb 28
Well, so I’m realizing it might have been a bit since I’ve taken a couple of notes on how and what I’m feeling! What’s really cool is being able to fully feel my back, but what’s not cool is the extreme tightness I get.
What’s interesting now is that it’s 8:28 PM and I’m laying here prone, doing a little tum time and having some time to think. It’s been a pretty interesting day. I had a pretty good day at therapy too!
During OT I was able to practice a lot of prone positions for my shoulders and different stretches in that position. My shoulders are so incredibly tight, what’s cool is that when I lay on my stomach, it gives me a chance to actually move my hips in a bunch of different positions that I can’t do when I’m sitting in the chair. I need to make sure that when I’m working out and working on my shoulders and back muscles that I really focus on the lower portion of my back. That’s the portion of my body that is below the level of injury and what’s happening these days is that it’s all coming back! Although my upper back muscles and muscles in my shoulder are getting stronger up top, I need to make sure I’m engaging the muscles in my lower back!
Physical therapy was really cool as well! Since I was able to get prone and get in a long sit before physical therapy, I was so much looser than I have been in the past! I still use the vibration plate for about seven minutes, but I was so much looser! Getting up standing in the walker was easier, and trying to position my arms and keep my shoulders tucked back was also easier! Getting up standing, getting stretched out and getting walking is something I really gotta do more. What was really cool, was when we got the braces on and I got up to start walking! Ashley barely had to help me at all! My right hip though, he’s definitely really tight. Need to see what else I can do to try to shimmy him, not sure what would be best for that…
Feb 29
What if we as humans learned to talk as a way to get the thoughts out, of our minds? I always wake up to these random thoughts and ideas, about all of these crazy things that are happening to me. I really do find that the fascination I have with language is really deep. I really do believe that it is such a powerful tool, and it really has reshapen how I think about my day, and what goes into it! I have these thoughts about myself, and make sure that I am being proactive even in my thoughts and words that I say. I feel the difference. My body is reacting to the way I talk and think about it. Without having these conscious thoughts throughout this process, I don’t know where I would be!
So, I actually got on the floor!!! By myself! And I got myself into the wheelchair by myself! Well, I should be honest, I was talking to ‘The Momma’ the whole time. That silly egg lady! She’s great. So her and I were chatting the whole time on the phone! Which, if I’m being honest, is a great transition to getting into doing things difficult on my own. It’s hard, sometimes. It feels really good to know I have someone there in case I fall. It is really huge to know that I can get myself back up in the case I do fall! This is huge!
I’m gonna talk about my day at therapy in a second, but first, I want to talk about the Vastus Medialis.
The Vastus Medialis is the larger protrusion of our quad muscle, towards our knee. It’s important for knee extension. That muscle in particular I’ve wanted to have a name for, because it’s one that I’ve missed so much. It’s the muscle that really should stick out on my leg, because of my bowed legs!
I get a bit emotional, looking at the flash cards with it on there. It’s almost like I have an emotional attachment to that muscle. He’s an old friend, and I gotta get him back! That part of my leg was a big part of me and who I am, and I really want that thick meaty part of my legs back. So, what this basically means is I’m going to try and learn and do everything possible to get that back. I can feel my quads really trying these days! And I will be ecstatic to see that part of my muscles all back there, just like I remember!
Therapy was an amazing session today! I had actually put my KAFO braces on, while I was on the floor! I didn’t think I could do it, but I did! So I ended up getting a really good stretch in my hamstrings today finally! I’m gonna have to incorporate that into my routine of things! It really does seem, the more I learn, the more I can do, the more I have to do! Like, it keeps building up progressively. It’s wild.
So, PT today! I actually got myself up in KAFO’s, and out the freaking door!!! I was walking outside in the hallway! It was super cool because I had never tried to tackle those types of turns, or that spot before! So I was moving sooo much more!
Stretching before therapy was a huge help! I actually just got up off the floor again for another session of my “tum time”. And it went really well! I was able to actually get my shoulders moving, and myself into a long sit, and doing some long sit press ups!
It was interesting too, having that discussion during OT, where I had made the comment about the garmin watch. I had made mention, how the watch had recorded my biceps activating during my heavy bag routine. Which, didn’t seem right to me. But as we were talking, and I got feedback from Ian, it might make a bit more sense.
As in, the biceps are engaging because I am using them to help retract my arm, and help keep my balance. So, Rose mentioned, that I should try to consciously use my back muscles, to help keep me upright.
It’s really interesting, every day, trying to find the words for how I am feeling. To find the right things to say about how and what I am experiencing. My legs feel good after a workout, or a physical therapy session. They don’t feel good at all after sitting in the chair too long, or after even just resting in bed. They get so tight! I really gotta keep up the progress of moving them around, and getting down and keeping them loose. I also need to make sure I’m not fatiguing my forearms too! That was quite the forearm pump during my walking bout yesterday and today!
Mar 1
So, I’m sitting here, in a long sit, with the wedge pillow between my back, and the bed. This is the first time I’ve been able to sit on the floor for a significant amount time! Sitting. Wow. It’s remarkable how it’s small things, somewhat almost insignificant things, can mean so much! And it feels like this everyday sometimes. I really have been trying to feel and experience all of the first things I’ve been able to do since the accident!
Astronaut on wheels/ Astronauts on Earth. “Just an Astronaut on Earth”
Huh. I never really quite thought of it this way. It’s interesting because I was thinking about this, and how relevant that is to me. I was watching this movie called Life, and I was just noticing how everything they were doing is so methodically planned, and intentional.
I really have to fully engage in each activity that I am doing. By realizing that they have to learn and do almost everything different, reminds me of myself. Sure, yes I still use my hands and eat with a fork and knife, but I think the similarities end there. Everything from how I position myself at the table, how I get there, and then how I start my day is very different from how things go just on two feet.
Almost everything they have to do, is in reality, very similar in the sense, that I have had to make such significant changes to what I am doing. The way I do everything besides using a fork and a knife has changed. I looked up on google and the first 10 results for “How does an Astronaut…….” basically filled in exactly interchangeably with things that I have also had to change doing. The one that said, How does an Astronaut come back to earth” was the only one that was a little irrelevant, but I like the idea of comparing that to me getting back on my feet!
It’s crazy, bathroom, sleep, poop, feel, all these things are so relevant to me because they are all things in my life that have changed. It has been a really hard time to try and describe all of the changes, but when I saw what an astronaut was doing, it all started to make sense in how people could understand! I mean, even down to taking a shower, and thinking about how that has changed.
It’s an interesting idea and thought….
Mar 2
So I’ve been thinking about the feelings in my legs, and how it changes when stationary in one position for too long…
“Chatting is better while on a bike” I had said this to Oscar, and I do believe that it’s true. Evan and I used to have some really fun conversations when we were out on a bike ride, and I really like how that is something that I was able to take away from those rides. I would be completely wiped out, totally gassed, and we would be chatting about some of the goofiest things. I really miss those days, and I want them back!
I do think that it’s interesting….. hmm scratch that thought. Huh, not sure where that was going!?!
So! I’m at the concert!! Callie and I made it to the concert in Madison for Petey! This has been absolutely wild! I really have been trying to get out of my own head, and just “go for it”! I was able to make it to the restaurant and we made it to the hotel! all in one piece! Next stop, the concert!!
The Astronaut on Earth 
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