3/24
Wow, I had a wild day today!! Some exciting things happened today!!
3/25
Waking up is a tricky one sometimes. I usually wake up with this definite feeling of having “to go”. It isn’t like I have to try to get that feeling to go away, but it can be such a drag to wake up and feel like that all the time. I just want to wake up and feel rested, instead of always having to play the “hurry up and go” game.
I really am feeling lower and lower into my legs! The constant tightness of my lower back is moving down my posterior, and is now in my hips and upper glutes muscles! My quads yesterday morning woke up with the feeling of constant tension, letting me know they are truly there! And my calves are really waking up as well! I was noticing how much easier it was to hold my balance in the wheelchair, especially when I would move myself forward and back! So I’m assuming that is because those muscles are coming back!
Taking a shower today, I was really working on my sitting balance, and trying to do things with my eyes closed. I’ve realized how important and useful that is for me regaining some additional reps on working on that! I was even trying to turn the water faucet without holding myself up, and consciously trying to do these things without using my other hand. It’s difficult, but I can actually do it! I really do need to make these very conscious efforts to “try”. Without having giving myself time to try, you never know if you can. So I’m going to start trying to ramp up doing more small concious efforts.
This week, I need to work on my hamstrings. I need them to not engage with my quads all the time. I think some reviewing their functions is in order. And working both my quads and my hamstrings is as well!
So it’s been a very busy morning. I’ve already had 12 calls this morning, and only 2 of them were personal calls! I’ve talked with insurance, therapy, a quick buisness call, the mobility dealer about a half a dozen times, and then Subaru to try and see about the rebate program they have. This was crazy. It’s just barely past noon and all this has happened.
It’s really interesting how much stuff we can start to take on as people. The more we do, the more we are able to do. It’s always about building up a new normal. How we build up our sets of repitition is kinda interesting. It takes us so long to be able to live the adult lives that we are living. We have so much schooling, and so much practice!
Hmm, maybe you don’t ever have to let your body get in a state where it doesn’t feel good, like, eat sooner, go sooner, and be ahead of it all?
Well this is fun….. my lymph node on the right side of my neck is swelled up like a freakin’ golf ball….. this is kinda weird and unsettling, as I’ve never had this happen before. I better keep an eye on it and not let it get out of control.
Trying to keep a tab on my sensations, and whenever I get an urge to need to do something down there. It’s interesting because I can feel a difference between the urge to pee, and go number two.
Interesting, I can feel so much more than I ever could feel in my lower back right side of my abdomen! This is a new one! I was noticing how the intercoastal muscles on my right side were definitely feeling sore like I’ve felt in the past, this is really interesting!
I can really feel my legs being recruited to help stabilize me in this chair! I had a bit of almost vertigo it felt when I was doing some dumbbell rows, and my legs seemed to really kick it in gear!
3/26
It’s interesting, how each day I wake up, the sensations change that much. My urge to go is feeing more like I have “to go” more and more each day, and is less like a painful awful pain! It seems to help to think about the sensation as well. By areas of my lower abdomen, my fella and my behind are definitely all feeling it!
What’s interesting too, is last night I was actually able to roll myself over by myself! My left leg was straight enough where I didn’t have to reall fight to get over on my tum!
Speaking of the tum, I am wondering when I will try to get on my tum on the floor for some tum time!
It’s really interesting, to track and feel in my legs and feet where the awful tingling is. It doesn’t feel as though it’s everywhere, just the bottom of my feet. And also, my quads are feeling so much! I also need to move around a little bit to see who else is waking up!
I had a thought earlier today, about a particular set of sensations, I hope I can remember this one.
I need to get stretching on my hamstrings! And on my hip flexors! And I need to keep up with my lung strengthening exercises to make sure that isn’t the limiting factor when I’m standing and walking. I mentioned this to Ashley, and she had made the suggestion to make sure that I am working on getting up in the standing frame, and using the breather while I’m up there!
So I’m back at the gym, and these chest exercises are really freaking tough. It’s been a whole process trying to get the machine set up too. Not only that, but holding myself upright is really, the hardest part. I did a mixture of supported and unsupported exercises, and it’s really interesting to feel how differently my body engaged when I do that. I can feel my legs reacting, and tensing up, and attempting to hold myself in place.
3/26
So, I had probably one of the wildest mornings, and greatest days at therapy ever. I felt like a hot mess this morning. And my hamstrings were so freaking tight… it wasn’t a good morning at all. I feel so distracted, and all over the place. It’s really hard when my head will get in that space, because it really needs to move around more to get out of whatever funk it is in.
I had therapy a bit earlier in the morning, and left the phone at home. It was a good break from it all, there’s so many distractions out there! I feel them even more because I’m in a chair for most of the time, and it’s always on my person, so it’s always around.
3/28
Sitting in the car at the gas station, it’s really interesting seeing things from this perspective again. It literally reminds me of the times I would do this as a kid, and I would sit in the front seat while my mom pumped gas. It’s weird.
I’m also seeing the soda/pop delivery fella work the Tommy gate on the back of the semi, and it just gets me thinking…..
Wow, listening to this Postal Service album is really hitting some hard memories. For some reason it takes me back to a place in the Cutlass Supreme, into a time that is more innocent and more naivie. It’s really interesting how the lack of adulterants in my life allows my brain to think so clearly and able to recall such deep memories!
This drive was long. My body wasn’t always behaving so well, and I wasn’t working so hard on listening to him do well either. Unfortunately what this means is that I’m sitting here in a ton of pain when I really really really have to go to the bathroom. I’ve made this drive so many other times before in the past! And I didn’t have to stop except of say maybe 1 time! And now we are already on our 3rd stop. Which makes me sad, and pretty frustrated. I am frustrated because my body is controlling when I have to do things, not my mind. And then I get frustrated, and short. And I hate that.
I really just want to get the drive over.
😅 I made it to the bathroom and I can’t believe how tight I was! Shoot. I hate that. I hate when my legs get so tight that I can’t even get them out of the car on my own. It’s demoralizing and infantilizing to have to have someone help you with such an important task to get you throughout the day. Without being able to get help with this, I wouldn’t be able to get myself thru the day.
3/29
We made it in to therapy! I’m really glad that we got to get back to the crew here in Michigan! I brought them a Kringle and they all went crazy on it! I wasn’t expecting them to have ate almost the whole thing I before I left!!
I couldn’t believe how many people there were inside there. I was moderately alarmed for a moment by the fact that this is where I did therapy for so long. I have such a different experience now at Marquette, with only a smaller group of therapists and clients that I see.
Maddie and I had a really good chat! She had a ton of really good questions, and some really useful advice as well!
We made eggs!
I ate chopped beef…..
I got the walker!
3/30
Went with John and Jill to the cider mill!
We went to Laura’s and had a nice chat!
Went to bed early
The Astronaut on Earth 
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